Joseph Ygoña Laurino

The Jailer and The Prisoner

2008-03-03T11:41:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness is a patient word that begs to be said when sorrow alone decides it can be uttered.

The crimes of your own sorrows cannot be held responsible by the jury of your own emotions. All alone you build the prison walls that one day will gladly be torn down by you and knowing this, you intentionally did not make the fourth wall so you can walk away when you are ready.

But can you, the jailer, really imprisoned? Sadly, your stubbornness is making you not want to face the invisible wall that is your freedom.

The elderly and the wise – they are not the same – can easily laugh at this for they have made such prisons before and they have learned to distinguish between the mask of the jailer and that of the prisoner. Here's a truth about the wise, they make their prison walls with ladders so they are always reminded of their freedom which ever direction they are facing.

As the prisoner, you wait for the brilliant rescue by your friends. Blessed are our hearts for desiring the need to be needed by friends. You have given them detailed maps to where you are suffering since a daring prison escape is a grand story waiting to be told. Just wait in hope that your friends like to play the game with you and not ruin the gallant rescue attempt by not telling you right away that you are both the prisoner and the jailer.

And if you really wanted to be free, your jailer-self can command this and freedom will again be yours at the very moment when you have forgiven yourself.

Surrender to your freedom song

2007-06-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

Surrender to your freedom song, one
that can only be sung when you let go of
the things that hold you back

Knowingly we choose the chains that
imprison us, for we hide within them
for fear of surrendering to the
uncertainties of freewill

In the infinite possibilites, our simple minds
can only comprehend what we believe
to have been predetermined beforehand...

Uncertain bird, if you were meant to be
a windvane, you would have been born so...

31

2006-11-09T15:21:00.000-08:00

I searched long and hard for elusive happiness when in fact; all along all I needed was personal contentment for what I already have.

Thirty one years of a life uncharted. So many memories treasured while so much more… forgotten. Life is a mix bag of struggles and junction points of tranquility. I encountered struggles in finding my own personal strength as well as the meaning behind some uncontrollable circumstances. I met interesting people in interesting places and found loneliness is a visitor all too often unwanted. But in between breaths that span moments counted in minutes, hours, days or weeks, I ultimately reached moments of contentedness. A simple thing such as Monday afternoon without anything to do but sit still in a café is a reward that is so easily forsaken. Or take for example opening a door that reveals a dear loved one sleeping so peacefully after a long day under the sun.

It is within these moments that we must not allow to be stolen away by the restlessness brought upon by the incoming waves of the unknowable future.

Restlessness causes our thoughts to race before waking up. Too many concerns most oftentimes keep us awake after midnight. It makes dreaming all that much harder for worries have a habit of not singing any lullaby songs that contain words of wisdom.

Why do we worry so much?

Now I write as if it’s going anywhere that will lead to some profound answer. The truth is… I can’t concentrate for I am restless. Writing is my silent conversation with myself. My fingers move and they are caught by the keys of a keyboard indifferent to the pressures of life.

Strength lies in the hearts of those who have friends.

Of all the blessings that I am most grateful, it is the valuable time I have spent with people that shared my ups and downs. Looking back, it’s hard to see how I could have made it without everyone’s challenges, patience and forgiveness. No matter how much we try to avoid it, we are judged by our friends.

I hope my jury find me guilty of a friendship that is worthy of their most precious time.

after three years: 3,000 equals 655,000?

2006-10-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

Study: War blamed for 655,000 Iraqi deaths

President Bush says he does not consider report credible
Study says 2.5 percent of population killed since war; death toll rising each year
The authors said their method of sampling the population is a "standard tool of epidemiology and is used by the U.S. government and many other agencies."

We're sorry

When can our country say "we're sorry" to the Iraqi people? How many Iraqis want our kind of democracy when barely 50% of our population voted in the last presidential elections? How many Iraqis want a government like ours that support torture? How many Iraqis now ask, "why don't you invade North Korea now that they have a nuclear weapon?"

Three years ago, I sent this e-mail to my friends the week we were about to invade Iraq. I lost respect as a US citizen because of this e-mail.

From: Joseph Laurino
Sent: Sunday, March 23, 2003 12:07 PM
To:

Hello Friends,

I wanted to let you know that my party has been cancelled.

The continuing events in the Middle East have proven to be something that I can't let go of and escape from. This war based on the ignorance of each side's points of view, the craving for revenge and economic stability, and the hatred between world leaders is something that I don't support.

I can't put a price on a life lost in the World Trade Center and on a life taken by this war funded by my tax dollars.
If terrorism didn't affect us economically, I don't believe we would have acted this way. If we were all really into helping each other in this magnitude, the war on poverty would have been over a long time ago.

For a different perspective, please read the following web sites:

http://www.thehungersite.com/
http://www.datadata.org/
http://money.cnn.com/

Thanks,
Joseph

Now it is your turn

I ask how come was I not swayed by the need of revenge by most Americans? Did I love the 9/11 victims less? Or did I think that by attacking Iraq we were not solving the right problem? I have spent countless nights thinking about all of this and now it is your turn!

Take care,
-Joseph

democratic access to electricity and clean water

2006-02-17T14:10:00.000-08:00

just in from cnn...

Segway creator unveils his next act -- Inventor Dean Kamen wants to put entrepreneurs to work bringing water and electricity to the world's poor.

-joseph

there are some relevant ideas...

2006-02-15T11:15:00.000-08:00

1. The Corporation
2. Confessions of an Economic Hitman
3. The Walmart Effect
4. Hegemony Or Survival (by Noam Chomsky)
5. Maps of Time

And if this works...

Like lending to a friend -> Prosper.com

with micro-credit for people who want to augment their
small businesses in third world countries... it can potentially
change the world for the better... the key is to observe what
happens and optimize for the percentage of transactions that
are good...

-joseph

the invisible hand vs. the benevolent heart

2006-02-13T18:53:00.000-08:00

If Adam Smith were alive today, he would be shocked at how his Invisible Hand metaphor had been bestowed unto a self-centered body of a corporation. Lacking a heart, a corporation blindly fights for its "life" like a Darwinian virus. Since its concept of survival is derived from the simple equations for the maximization of profits (at all costs), the powerless poor majority of the world remain victimized.

But like the ants in the movie, "A Bug's Life", the poor will realize that power does not have to be derived from wealth. Before profits and money ever were invented, TRUST, RESPECT, SOLIDARITY existed and were the primary sources of strength for the early tribes.

Those same sources of power still exist today.

It is about time to replace the Invisible Hand metaphor with the Benevolent Heart metaphor.

-joseph

On Profit and Happiness

2006-02-06T14:03:00.000-08:00

All say that the root of all evil is money, but I will argue that it is the amoral pursuit of profit, which deepens the chasm of economic segregation in our world, that creates the personal justifications to cause evil. Unchosen poverty leads to desperation and desperation makes morality irrelevant.

We are told that the pursuit of happiness is the goal of life. I say, the goal in life is to care. To care enough to take action, to care enough to wake up, to care enough to listen, to care enough to be involved.

-Joseph

education is the enemy of indifference

2006-01-30T15:26:00.000-08:00

education is the enemy of indifference...

indifference is the opposite of love (and hate)...

love can conquer any fear...

we only fear what we do not know...

---

i don't watch the news... i read it instead... it helps my mind to pause once in a while in order to digest all the information... and it gives me time to do my own research (google, wikipedia, etc...)

---

it saddens me that google is following the smell of profit (in china) instead of maintaining its resolve to become the first corporation to "do no evil"... every brand manager knows that once a brand is tarnished, it will take a very long time for it to earn its shine once again...

news.google.com was a very subtle yet effected means to direct people's attention to multiple sources of news information... the american public really needed that nudge...

---

democracy only works if the citizens participate... indifference hinders participation...

---

this e-mail got me in trouble with a few of my friends almost three years ago (a few days before the US started bombing Iraq)

this was not written from the point of view of indifference...

From: Joseph Laurino
Sent: Sunday, March 23, 2003 12:07 PM
To:

Hello Friends,

I wanted to let you know that my party has been cancelled.

The continuing events in the Middle East have proven to be something that I can't let go of and escape from. This war based on the ignorance of each side's points of view, the craving for revenge and economic stability, and the hatred between world leaders is something that I don't support.

I can't put a price on a life lost in the World Trade Center and on a life taken by this war funded by my tax dollars.
If terrorism didn't affect us economically, I don't believe we would have acted this way. If we were all really into helping each other in this magnitude, the war on poverty would have been over a long time ago.

For a different perspective, please read the following web sites:

http://www.thehungersite.com/
http://www.datadata.org/
http://money.cnn.com/

Thanks,
Joseph

---

The challenge we have upon ourselves is to find the facts... they are not very well hidden...

Once you have the facts, it is your next challenge to propagate that information... use the talents which have been entrusted unto you and drive it with this new source of passion!

Everything can be done... everything just takes some time... (everything excludes immortality)

-Joseph

U.S.A.: The New Banana Republic?

2006-01-20T16:44:00.000-08:00

Banana republic is a pejorative term for a small, often Latin American or Caribbean country, politically unstable, dependent on limited agriculture, and ruled by a small, wealthy and corrupt clique.

- Wikipedia

Although the US is not a small country, it's government is currently ruled by a small, wealthy and corrupt clique. The government makes decisions based on what's good for corporations and not what's good for the common citizen. The citizens have the illusion of a democracy yet only 50% of voters actually vote. That means, in order to rule this land, the president only needs the support of 25.1% of the voters!

The voice of an indifferent populace is lost because of the persistent presence of well funded corporate lobbyist. These lobbyists don't fight for the welfare of the people; they are driven by maximization of profits. From their point of view, they are only doing the job that was taught to them and reinforced by the risk-reward pulse of a consumer driven society.

It's obvious that it is easy to control someone who is poor. But it is equally easy to control someone who is wealthy but not satisfied. The common factor is the fact that both are desperate.

Desperation put's one's morality and common sense for the common good into a place farthest from the heart. Decisions are made out of what's best for me and my current loved ones right now and not for what's best for everyone.

Thinking and doing things for everyone else is not rewarded because it goes against the logic of accumulation which is the driving force behind consumerism. When one is not tempered by morality, it is very easy to accumulate wealth and power in a short amount of time. America's leaders should look into the echoes of the consequences of their actions not from the success stories of a handful of its citizens but rather, they need to contemplate the average indifferent citizen who goes on living a carefree life in pursuit of happiness without knowing the underlying support system that allows such extravagance.

But that is too much to think about!

That's the majority of the responses that I get when I start talking about the big picture. Well, that's exactly why we don't understand why there's a lot of hatred towards America. This is usually the time when I bring out a metaphore. Remember in high school when you see the rich kids walk around and there's a sense of jealousy that fills the room?

Guess who the rich kids are in the big picture?

But I'm on a tangent. I'm observing the recent revealed illegal actions of our government (breach of privacy, support for torture, accepting bribes from business) and it's the same historical data of the famous banana republics of the past.

When will the 74% demand democracy?
What will wake them up?
Where will it begin?
How will the rest of the world respond?

-Joseph

Economic Federations?

2005-04-17T16:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not even sure if the term federation is the right term but I'll use it for now.

Current Federations

USA
European Union
Russia
Canada

Need to create a Federation

Latin America (Central and South America)
North East Asia (Japan and Korea)
South East Asia
Middle East
Africa
China and India

Basically, the idea of a nation needs to be dissolved. It's economically imposible for small countries to compete in the global market and third world countries can't waste their time competing against each other for trade business with first world countries/federations! Nations need to learn from corporations where alliances are made based on profit and not emotions. Just look at Sony, IBM and Microsoft! They compete on certain markets but on other markets where cooperation is mutually beneficial, they cooperate!

(sent the above to some friends and I got a few responses... here's my reply to them)

I agree with a lot of the responses. I should have clarified earlier that the concept of a nation that I was refering to is the concept of a "small" nation which can't compete in terms of resources: both natural and human. Specialization will help but in the context of being part of a larger organization.

If we look around us living here in the United States. We have a very decent form of self-government. It's hierarchical in scope but local in daily practice. Most of us don't even participate in the local space yet it still works.

The preference of grouping nations in terms of geography addresses the issues of dealing with different time-zones and transportation of goods and services. Not all businesses and government agencies can be turned into 24 hour shops.

Militarily, bullying a small nation is very easy, however, bullying a larger entity is not.

On the concept of retaining one's own culture or ethnocentrism, I would argue that it is inevitable that all cultures need to learn how to deal with each other locally. Metropolitan areas are a
great example of this yet, just 100 miles east of Seattle, it's a whole different story :)

-Joseph

i d e a s

2005-04-13T12:55:00.000-07:00

1) Remove accumulation of wealth and debt past one generation

Lifespan for corporations -- a corporation is treated like a living entity and therefor not immortal.
Abolish inheritance -- money goes back to society in the form of donations to the educational system

2) Institutions like governments, universities and churches must not be allowed to make profit. Theirs is a selfless service for the society.

People Say

2005-03-07T14:47:00.000-08:00

people say not the truth in their hearts for they are afraid of the judgement of others... so in order to not face the fear, people say what pleases others, which is far from the silent truth...

those who walk with certainty, need not bother with this... time is precious, let's not waste it by trying to read hidden messages from each other...

new songs

2005-02-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

new songs have been posted on my studio blog

http://the_shower_studios.blogspot.com/

enjoy!
-joseph

m o n e y

2005-01-26T14:02:00.000-08:00

changes everything...

here's an interesting article from seattle weekly

--

It's our relationships with other people that account for most of our happiness, says Cecile Andrews, author of The Circle of Simplicity: Return to the Good Life. "After a certain point," she says, "community declines as affluence goes up, because you don't need each other."

--

Community leaders are warning that the rise of corporate power is widening the wealth gap. Says the Rev. Don Mackenzie of the University Congregational United Church of Christ, "The limited-liability, publicly held corporation, a product of the 19th century, is like all institutions: very vulnerable to getting off the track or losing sight of its purpose. For many corporations, the bottom line has shifted from the quality of the product or the service being produced to the accumulation of wealth for investors."

--

I've never been a religious person, but I was touched by a concept my former girlfriend shared with me, the Jubilee. According to the Old Testament, the Jubilee is a time every 50 years at which all wealth is redistributed—"a time of freedom and of celebration when everyone will receive back their original property, and slaves will return home to their families."

Could any institution be more anathema to the Jubilee than the immortal, limited liability corporation, designed to create and amass wealth for a privileged minority while progressively externalizing costs and harming the majority? Is the modern corporation consistent with our ethical, spiritual, and democratic values?

--

-joseph

ps. and the winners for the 10 worst corporations of 2004 are...

r e a d

2005-01-25T13:21:00.000-08:00

http://www.michaelmoore.com/mustread/

we need to solve this now
we know what to do

-joseph

a l i v e

2004-12-28T01:25:00.000-08:00

Alive
by Joseph

(verse)
You're not a child anymore
And play hide and seek
You don't dream anymore
Since dreams made you weak

You can lie and smile
And forgive yourself
You can love for a while (As long as)
You won't hurt yourself

(pre-chorus)
But you know my friend, this is the lazy way
Just look inside of you, you can find another way

(verse)
Don't be distracted
Of what others say
Don't fall, be tempted
By the easy way

A lie can save your day (But it won't)
Save your life
I know it's not easy
This can hurt like a knife

(pre-chorus)
I promise, the wounds will heal
This promise, will make you feel

(chorus)
Alive, and be not blind
Alive, to see the signs
Alive, and speak your mind
Alive, to cross the line

(bridge)
I promise, the wounds will heal
This promise, will make you feel

(chorus)
Alive, and be not blind
Alive, to see the signs
Alive, and speak your mind
Alive, to cross the line
Alive...
Alive...

d i v i d e

2004-12-06T16:25:00.000-08:00

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy,
you must have somebody to divide it with."
-- Mark Twain

"Love multiplies when divided."
-- Paulo Coelho

h e a v e n o n e a r t h

2004-11-30T17:53:00.000-08:00

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.
They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act
towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Universal Declaration of Human Rights

all(a): quantifier; used with either mass or count nouns to indicate the
whole number or amount of or every one of a class; "we sat up all night";
"ate all the food"; "all men are mortal"; "all parties are welcome"

"love thy neighbor as you love yourself", what a wonderful rule...
what an amazing idea... but i ask... who is my neighbor and who am i?
before i can love both, don't i need to know them first?

and stop being confused,
heaven and hell are just adjectives
to where you are

p o v

2004-10-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

My Point Of View

Been living this life
Troubled by my own lies
Stumbling in the night
Sleepwalking out of sight

Then there was you
You taught me something new
Then there was you
You taught me something new

You were patient with me
Like the shadow of a desert tree
You would listen to me
Like an echo waiting to be free

Been waiting for you
And this I didn't know
Been waiting for you
To change my...

My point of view (change my)
My point of view (change my)
My point of view (change my)
My point of view

You taught me how to love
You showed me how to love my life
You taught me what's above
All the things that I want in my life

Been waiting for you
To change my point of view
Been waiting for you
To change my...

My point of view (change my)
My point of view (change my)
My point of view (change my)
My point of view

I learned from you
How to change my point of view
I learned from you
How to change...

My point of view (change my)
My point of view (change my)
My point of view (change my)
My point of view

r e w i n d

2004-08-17T12:11:00.000-07:00

remember the simple thoughts from the past

remember how to forget

we write things down in order to free our mind of those thoughts...

so when you are sad, write down your sadness so your mind may find a way to move on... and when you are happy, there is no need to forget, that's why happy thoughts are seldom written or sung out loud...

dream within the nightmare

people have concluded that the universe is a nightmare, i woke up and i found myself realizing the dream within it...

The Twist

At the very moment of one's own death, a person will realize that heaven and hell actually resided in each passing breath. After this epiphany, all the person can do is sleep with the silence of indifference.

the prometheus question

the question is not whether you can die for the things you love, the real question is whether you are willing to live in hell for all the things that love and hate you...

effort to be only human

in our efforts to become like gods, some of us never realize how to be only human...

5/15/2003
u village starbucks, seattle

be original, be yourself! i have heard more than
a couple hundred times that there are no more original
ideas to be dreamed under this sky of ours... but
do you honestly believe that you have lived before? and
in the same circumstance? if you believe to be unique,
then everyday, an original idea is born... take heed
of this and be glad, for a newborn child is the
hope by which we can grasp and understand...

in an effort to be human, we forget to realize that
we are surrounded by other humans as well... let it
be said, that the greatest crime in life is the lack of
awareness of one's heart, for we are lead to believe
that it is weak, that it is prone to error when
a human being puts one's heart above one's better
judgement... but i want to rebel against this inhumane
idea! let it be known, that i will follow my heart to the
glories of heaven and the misery of hell... if only
to taste what is left of my tears of both sorrow
and joy that has visited my human face

what is life but the reason by which we have taken
the first leap of faith, the first choice and some
may call it, the original sin... but why is it a sin
to take a breath? why is it called a sin to yearn
to exist? if not for a brief moment in one's time
on earth but also through the memories of one's glory
days and past mistakes! but who will remember the
days when one only takes a shallow wade through the
ocean of life? who will remember the nights when
one has forgotten to appreciate the ground by which
dreams or even nightmares play? aye, let me have
a reason to fear death so that i may appreciate
eternity... let me have a reason to celebrate my
past, so i may bring my lessons with me to the
realm of all things known... let me have hope so i
may wake up from boredom and see the truth right
in front of me... my fellow human being, learn to swim!

my shadow will follow where i will walk... i alone
know my own path for the reasons i have reached
where i am is the result of who i am... i cannot lay
blame on anyone... i try not to use my toungue to
speak ill will of my fellow students of life... how can
i judge when i am also guilty of not knowing everything?
hold on for a moment and learn how to take a breath...
now that you have, that is all yours to take freely,
now, how then can you take away someone else's right
of the very same breath?

the goal in life is to become one's own hero... why
does one search for things that can never be reached?
how come the nearest heart and mind be the same ones so
far away? don't be tempted of admiration of others
unless they inspire you to appreciate what you
have... i have met a few, i have conversed with fewer,
and each one is as unique and special as a moment
ticking away... why waste time being lost when you
know where you stand at all times? be glad that you
have a shadow! be glad that there exists a mirror!
are you now ready to take a step?

how can one ask for eternity, if one doesn't appreciate
the very short time that they have in this human body?
for i believe that we are here to learn to appreciate
what we have long ago lost to boredom, indifference or
some other personal version of hell... yes, it is hell
when one does not know how to appreciate each moment
passing by... if we must compare, compare the lessons
that you have learned in the past and the lessons that
you are learning right now... don't be afraid...
we are only human...

have you learned your lesson, good... then learn some
more... if not, continue asking questions, the first
lesson is to learn how to ask politely, the second
lesson is to learn what to ask... you will know the
third lesson when the time comes... alas, learn not
to waste time, that is a lesson that you should have
learned already...

5/16/2003
my home, seattle

now i will speak of love... when i fall in love, it will
hurt, for i know that this woman will make me blind...
for each moment of each day, i see beauty that surrounds
tempting me, but when i fall in love, beauty will lose
all meaning, my dreams will lose all their luster,
heaven and the gods will lose their mastery over me...
so i will ask for forgiveness beforehand, and
you will know when it will happen for you will not
hear of my footsteps anymore... i will be floating on
clouds so high that i will have no need of walking...

5/17/2003
my home, seattle

you ask me to find balance, yet you tell me to try my best?

5/18/2003
my home, seattle

if you want to understand God, Allah, Buddha, etc.. converse with
a parent, grandparent, or a couple that have just fallen in Love...
if you want to understand Jesus, Muhammed, Abraham, etc... converse with
your favorite teacher or your best friend
if you want to understand indifference, converse with
the sun, the moon, the stars, a diamond, an earthquake or a volcano
if you want to understand yourself, converse with
a child and listen to the conversation between your heart and mind
now you know why it is very important to learn how to converse...

5/18/2003
alki beach, seattle

and stop being confused, heaven and hell are just adjectives

5/29/2003

It occured to me today that I spent too much time
thinking about death and sadness... that I never
thought of the fact that I could have never existed!
What a life that would have been...

to not know...
to not reason...
to not feel hurt...
to not feel love..
to not have friends...
to not learn...
to not dance...
to not question...

So if one just contemplated this for one second of
each day, the act of breathing just suddenly feels
like being in heaven...

f o r g o t t e n d r e a m s

2004-08-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

people like to spend their time thinking and worrying about dreams that they are hoping for... so people end up never having the time left to appreciate the dreams that have come true...

...what dreams did you have five, ten, fifteen years ago?

g a t h e r d a t a

2004-07-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

This is a very informative article about the use of
P2P networks to distribute government documents.

f e a r

2004-07-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

is an unpleasant feeling of perceived risk or danger, real or not (from wikipedia.org)

- here are plans for postponing the 2004 US presidential elections
- check out Fahrenheit 9/11, trailer, data from the movie
- get informed
- and rock the vote

s u r r o u n d e d

2004-07-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

we are surrounded by darkness
for we are blinded by our own eyes
we can't see the hidden truth
sold to us by beautiful lies

for evil seduces through lust
and lust is so easily controlled
by the power hidden within beauty
that makes the heart so easily fooled

but where can one put the blame?
when we ourselves made the flames,
that will burn the things we touch
seduced by beauty, controlled by lust

w a i t f o r s p r i n g

2004-06-23T18:23:00.000-07:00

can't wait for spring,
i need my clear blue winter sky
can't wait for spring,
i need the one to say hi
but i have no control,
of the heart of another one

can't hope to bring,
a season before its time to come
can't hope to bring,
a reason for me not to run
but i can't be twice a fool,
to fall again before love's blinding sun

reach out and touch
touch the hand of thee
so far and so free
oh why am i weak when i'm being me?

can't need to sing,
the melodies of the first broken man
can't need to sing,
the memories of the unforgiven land
so i'm gonna be cool
since i have visited this heartland before

reach out and touch
touch the hand of thee
so far and so free
oh why am i weak when i'm being me?

f l y

2004-06-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

am i good enough
for the ones around me
am i a good laugh
pretending to be free

did dead poets suffer
the same burden of loneliness
did dead poets hunger
of surviving this foolishness

the past had been unkind
been teaching me the lies
been haunting me to find
things in me to despise

but pain has a way of waking
the sleeping truth hidden inside
my heart has been bleeding
enough tears to cleanse my pride

i have come full circle
realizing the truth beneath the lie
need to break the cycle
of not leaving the wall when i'm a fly

o n g a m e s

2004-06-22T15:47:00.000-07:00

violence and video games

s o l a r

2004-06-22T15:41:00.000-07:00

solar winds to the rescue, and other data about the earth's climate

m u s i c a n d p o l i t i c s

2004-06-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

Axis of Justice

s i m p l e w o r d s v o l 2

2004-06-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

by

Mark Twain
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Baha'u'llah
Lao Tzu
Albert Einstein
Noam Chomsky
Abraham Lincoln
John Lennon
The Prophet
Isaac Asimov
Snow Crash

Source: WikiQuote

t e n

2004-06-08T17:33:00.001-07:00

Ten Commandments of Solon
(Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers, 1.60)

1. Trust good character more than promises.
2. Do not speak falsely.
3. Do good things.
4. Do not be hasty in making friends, but do not abandon them once made.
5. Learn to obey before you command.
6. When giving advice, do not recommend what is most pleasing, but what is most useful.
7. Make reason your supreme commander.
8. Do not associate with people who do bad things.
9. Honor the gods.
10. Have regard for your parents.

Source Website

e n d l e s s

2004-06-07T12:16:00.000-07:00

in life, we fear death's eternity
in death, we love, life's endless beauty

k n o w l e d g e 4 f r e e

2004-06-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

WikiBooks
Wikipedia

s i d e p r o j e c t

2004-06-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

The Shower Studios, a place where making
and appreciating music becomes the main
meaning of having fun!

g e n o c i d e

2004-05-27T16:41:00.000-07:00

AIDS, genocide of a generation
Abortion has 126,000 victims everyday
Hunger has 24,000 victims everyday

the following song is dedicated to the
126,000 victims of abortion everyday

unconditional LOVE

you gave me the reason to exist
and i'll give you at the very least,
another chance for another day
so Please listen to what i have to say...

these past few months had been the best,
so give your teaRs some needed rest;
as i promised, i will give up my life for you,
too bad i only have one, since that's too few

There is nO need to say you're sorry,
My heart has forgiven you already;

you gave me the reason to exist
and i'll give you at the very least
another chance for another day
so please care for what I have to say

and i will wait for you in heaven
where all your regrets will be forgiven
and i will wait with an open heart
for you would do the same for my heart

Although in death, I’ll say goodbye
Once in the sky, we’ll say hello

soon it will be my last breath
but i won't mourn my very own death...
for my heart has decided
"that LOVE multiplies when divided"*

you gave me the reason to exist
and i'll give you at the very least
another chance for another day
so please remember what i have to say

i will remember you...
i will care for you...
i will listen to you...
i will die for you...

* from "by the river piedra" by paulo coelho

h i s t o r y

2004-05-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

How will history remember our times?

That depends on who's the victor.
That depends on who wants to do the research.
As Mark Twain said, "History does not repeat itself, it rhymes."

I miss Mark Twain

n e a r e s t c o m p a s s

2004-05-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

how far is the reach of the stars,
when one is blinded by their one and only sun?
how can the stars guide the navigator,
when one is caged within the walls of one's
own desperate clouds?

so where is your inner compass?
and isn't the sun just the nearest star?

p u p p i e s a n d g i r l f r i e n d s

2004-05-25T17:03:00.000-07:00

someone said that this could be the
start of a great song... :)

i got a puppy that loves me
and a robot girlfriend that's hot

p s a

2004-05-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

public service announcement

s a v e t h e m u s i c

2004-05-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

Special thanks to "Against The Grain" (or ATG)
for letting Cho and I, jam with them on Friday
night at the Vesper Lounge (Seattle).

What was supposed to be just a jam session
ended up becoming a live performance when the
doors opened for the after party at 2AM!

Everything was Cool,
Cool was Everything.

Everyone went home around 5AM and I woke up
three hours later.

Saving the music, one song at a time...

w h e n

2004-05-21T12:11:00.000-07:00

when the winter sky decided to burn
the tears of my summer sun
i was left with nothing left to abuse
just a soul that needed to run

away from the captivating hole
hidden underneath that potential ecstasy
yet what price did i have to pay
in order to dwell within those walls of hypocrisy

so that i may find a meaning
of something that was already meant
to be my own way of mumbling
a melody that's was mine to spend

l u s t i s b l i n d

2004-05-20T15:55:00.000-07:00

lust is blind to all consequences...

t i m e a n d s p a c e

2004-05-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

Patricia Evangelista, a 19-year-old, Mass Communications sophomore of University of the Philippines (UP)-Diliman, did the country proud Friday night by besting 59 other student contestants from 37 countries in the 2004 International Public Speaking competition conducted by the English Speaking Union (ESU) in London. She triumphed over a field of exactly 60 speakers from all over the English-speaking world, including the United States, United Kingdom and Australia, reported Maranan. The board of judges' decision was unanimous, according to contest chairman Brian Hanharan of the British Broadcasting Corp. (BBC).

BLONDE AND BLUE EYES

When I was little, I wanted what many Filipino children all over the country wanted. I wanted to be blond, blue-eyed, and white.

I thought -- if I just wished hard enough and was good enough, I'd wake up on Christmas morning with snow outside my window and freckles across my nose!

More than four centuries under western domination does that to you. I have sixteen cousins. In a couple of years, there will just be five of us left in the Philippines, the rest will have gone abroad in search of "greener pastures." It's not just an anomaly; it's a trend; the Filipino diaspora.

Today, about eight million Filipinos are scattered around the world. There are those who disapprove of Filipinos who choose to leave. I used to. Maybe this is a natural reaction of someone who was left behind, smiling for family pictures that get emptier with each succeeding year. Desertion, I called it. My country is a land that has perpetually fought for the freedom to be itself. Our heroes offered their lives in the struggle against the Spanish, the Japanese, the Americans. To pack up and deny that identity is tantamount to spitting on that sacrifice.

Or is it? I don't think so, not anymore. True, there is no denying this phenomenon, aided by the fact that what was once the other side of the world is now a twelve-hour plane ride away. But this is a borderless world, where no individual can claim to be purely from where he is now. My mother is of Chinese descent, my father is a quarter Spanish, and I call myself a pure Filipino-a hybrid of sorts resulting from a combination of cultures.

Each square mile anywhere in the world is made up of people of different ethnicities, with national identities and individual personalities. Because of this, each square mile is already a microcosm of the world. In as much as this blessed spot that is England is the world, so is my neighbourhood back home.

Seen this way, the Filipino Diaspora, or any sort of dispersal of populations, is not as ominous as so many claim. It must be understood. I come from a Third World country, one that is still trying mightily to get back on its feet after many years of dictatorship. But we shall make it, given more time. Especially now, when we have thousands of eager young minds who graduate from college every year. They have skills. They need jobs. We cannot absorb them all.

A borderless world presents a bigger opportunity, yet one that is not so much abandonment but an extension of identity. Even as we take, we give back. We are the 40,000 skilled nurses who support the UK's National Health Service. We are the quarter-of-a-million seafarers manning most of the world's commercial ships. We are your software engineers in Ireland, your construction workers in the Middle East, your doctors and caregivers in North America, and, your musical artists in London's West End.

Nationalism isn't bound by time or place. People from other nations migrate to create new nations, yet still remain essentially who they are. British society is itself an example of a multi-cultural nation, a melting pot of races, religions, arts and cultures. We are, indeed, in a borderless world!

Leaving sometimes isn't a matter of choice. It's coming back that is. The Hobbits of the shire travelled all over Middle-Earth, but they chose to come home, richer in every sense of the word. We call people like these balikbayans or the 'returnees' -- those who followed their dream, yet choose to return and share their mature talents and good fortune.

In a few years, I may take advantage of whatever opportunities come my way. But I will come home. A borderless world doesn't preclude the idea of a home. I'm a Filipino, and I'll always be one. It isn't about just geography; it isn't about boundaries. It's about giving back to the country that shaped me.

And that's going to be more important to me than seeing snow outside my windows on a bright Christmas morning.

Mabuhay and Thank you.

b e l i e f s

2004-05-19T16:12:00.000-07:00

beliefs

belle ifs

p a r a d e s s a . 1

2004-05-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

written by Joseph Laurino, circa 1999

It was a time when technology controlled
the destiny of a civilization. It was a place
where enchanted beings roamed the land.
Some dreams are never meant to be remembered.
Very soon someone is about to be awakened and
everything will change.

[begin transmission]

CHAPTER 1 | The root causes of suffering are ignorance, craving and hatred

Monday

The western hemisphere’s gentle line was disturbed by the shape of something that reminds one of elegant movement -- as if the stroke of someone’s hand was carving metal with a pencil. Flying low from the east are three Paradessian scout ships. “Control Tower, this is eagle scout delta. We have made visual contact with the Mugadi transport ship.”

Inside the ship, Ambassador De Santos is deep in meditation. Colonel Lorenzo enters the chamber in silence. “Colonel, I can feel your doubts flowing through your spirit. What disturbs you my old friend?” The colonel kneels on one knee, “Ambassador, I’m afraid to think of what might become of the most beautiful city I once called my home. What we are about to do is going to make invasions in the past look gentle and childish.” The ambassador takes a deep breath, “Your fears are making you worry too much Lorenzo. Don’t you ever wonder how it would feel to return to your home and never have to worry that someone will take it away from you while you are asleep?” There was an unnecessary pause. “That is why we are here. That is why you need not worry of the future. Today, we come in peace. It is up to the Paradessians to listen and give back what is rightfully ours!” Lorenzo stiffens, “but what should we do about Project Launain?” De Santos opens his eyes and looks past the walls of the ship, “leave that for me to worry about.”

Outside, the wind is blowing from the north and the sun is halfway past its daily journey across the clear blue skies. Where the wind and water almost meet, is the shadow of the transport ship. And hidden underneath its belly, a soldier is silently waiting.

[transmission interrupted]

How gentle the wind blows. How innocently the light reflects.

[transmission interrupted]

CHAPTER 2 | There are two sides to every story

Wednesday

Paradessa is now a city under siege. With its protective walls fallen, the invasion army has commenced an effective low altitude bomb assault strategy. The computer controlled defensive guns can’t keep track of the light and agile bombers. Smoke filled the streets, waving like a flag asking the bombers, why have you not noticed that we surrendered yesterday? War is brutal to those who wish it was over. War is lethal to those who wish it never began.

[transmission interrupted]

In the midst of a battle, one can always make out the sound of the crying children. A few of them can be heard coming out from the vehicles.

[transmission interrupted]

“It’s amazing how easy it is to take out human life. If one had enough time to think about these things, wars would probably never start. But people love drama – death and suffering delivers these and more. Resolutions are just compromises so that the defeated party will have time to regroup and rethink their strategy. It is better to run and survive for another day rather than fight aimlessly knowing death will come and wash away any hope for revenge. That’s what the high council believes and that is what I will fight for.”

[transmission interrupted]

Up above the city skyline, a silent soldier watches the destruction that she caused. A bullet does not care. A bomb does not have any feelings. A grenade does not have any conscience.

Below the towering buildings, another soldier is lying by the side of a young child. All his hope for redemption is gone. He failed his best friend. He failed his dearest. He failed himself. Guilt could not describe his feelings right now. Hate does not even begin to comprehend his burning fists. Revenge is an option too insignificant to even consider. Why does he blame himself? In the dark silhouettes of the heart hides the primal feelings of love. Love can make anything possible. Love conquers any place. Love can be patient about time. The truth that the soldier feels right now is absolute in his heart. He made a promise based on love.

[transmission interrupted]

[end transmission]

i m m o r t a l

2004-05-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

immortal

im mortal

i'm mortal

h o w

2004-05-17T09:30:00.000-07:00

how do i show my love for you if you are blind?
how do i sing my love for you if you are deaf?

you only have to show me your love with your heart
for my heart is not blind to see past what's temporary
and my heart is not deaf to hear love's melody

1 2 3 4

2004-05-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

you're the one for my heart
so i write from my heart to know you
now i'm under the shade of the tree of love
so i may understand the meaning of forever in love

t e l l m e

2004-05-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

tell me about death?

the word eat is hidden within death

hmm, what can you tell me about life?

the word if is hiding within life

t h i s h i g h e r

2004-05-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

this higher
de sire
to know....

this higher
de sire
know love...

i stumbled across the unforgiving sky
trying to find the answers of all things why
i drowned breathing down the sound of silence
humbling myself to question what's beyond my fence

this higher
de sire
so go....

this higher
de sire
let go....

i know forever is not on my list of things to do
glad it only took me till now to know
my memory is not perfect to remember every last detail
my regrets are mine to keep but it doesn't mean i failed

this higher
de sire
go home...

back to love

s h o w b o x

2004-05-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

eddie vedder played a three song set,
just him with his electric guitar,
sitting on a chair and giving it all...

then mike and stone joined him on stage,
eddie went behind the drums and the trio
started playing yellow ledbetter!!!!

eddie was playing drums and singing
the song... it was crazy!

eddie told a joke for the crowd,
he said, "If John Kerry was the second
worst president, he would still be a
lot better than our current one!"

it was special, stone's band, brad,
came out afterwards and played some
of the blues...

then, mike came out with his tribute
band UFO, and played some good old
rock and roll songs :)

they all thanked the crowd for showing up to
support the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation

wowow...

e c h o e s

2004-05-14T16:12:00.000-07:00

it's the things that we do for free
that will echo past eternity...

i d e a s t a t e m e n t s

2004-05-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

1990 -- they should use a LOT of TVs in concerts
1994 -- the OS should be like Mosiac
1996 -- this e-mail client should use HTML instead of RTF
1996 -- the command shell should implement SQL
1997 -- game engines are just real-time databases
1998 -- let's put slow-mo in a video game
1999 -- paradessa, redemption, nova souls
1999 -- occlusion culling
2000 -- ROI based game asset LOD streaming
2000 -- Hierarchical Environment Database Game Engine
2002 -- Real-time Spatio-Temporal Databases
2004 -- Google+Image-Based Recognition+Overture(+Digital Cameras+Cell Phones+GPS)
2004 -- GameWorks + 24 Hour Fitness
2004 -- orkut+cellphone+google services=location-sensitive cellphone agent

p r o j e c t s

2004-05-13T17:41:00.000-07:00

Nightlight Studios, design lead
11:11, songwriter
Echo Blue, songwriter, guitars
Planet Earth Parties, host
Novasouls, storyteller
Paradessa, creative vision, design, storyteller, research and development
XBox Music Mixer, senior software engineer
LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring, game designer
Wildtangent WebDriver, senior software engineer
Lithtech Engine, software engineer
TheHungerSite.com, object-oriented developer
GreaterGood.com, object-oriented developer
Shadow Madness, software engineer, scripter
SpecOps, junior programmer, scripter
Project XRS, student, team facilitator
IBM, programmer intern
Tidemark, programmer intern
University of Washington, college education
University of the Philippines, high school education
University of San Carlos, elementary education

i m

2004-05-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

a conversation

life is short, give yourself a schedule...
people mistakes... even the ones closest to our heart...
we need to forgive and learn so we may know better the next time we have to make a choice...
the worst part in life is the period when one can't make a decision...
stuck in fear...
prevents one frome living life...

why is it wrong to love someone and cry about it?

there nothing wrong with that unless you could be helping yourself and others...
in that path, you end up making the world better and maybe meet someone new...

I'm listening

if you lock yourself in sadness (i've done this) then you prevent yourself from finding new love...

Is it possible to only have loved one person?

no
everyone's heart is too amazing...
we choose to only love one person...
but our hearts are capable of loving everyone, including ourselves...

choose? maybe it was given to us...

i believe that I have a choice...
if not, why in the world do i even bother to think!

love is infinite... it's only time that is finite...
i don't mean to make anyone depressed...
it's how people interpret what i write based on their experience that makes them depressed...

people are the same...
each one of us is a mirror into our own soul...

from that day on, i contemplated that I will eventually die...
therefore, i realized that each day is so amazing...

and it is.

yes... but we're surrounded by things that trivializes life...

how do you measure your pain?

what do you mean?

when you say you're in pain, how do you measure it?

I measure my happiness by what I have, who smiles and laughs at me or with me...
relative to your previous pains or relative to other people's pains...
chest pain

how do I measure my pain? I measure my pain... when someone...
aughhh. I don't know-confuse

most people measure pain based on their experience...
that's why the first heartbreak is the most painful...
but try comparing that to childbirth

tell me about it. I guess I measure my pain by how much I've done and not getting the same thing back in speaking of a relationship.

now you know...
next time... demand something better...

just like how a woman/man nurtures a child- giving, loving, caring, crying, and yet the child walks away and forgets where he came from

yep, but the child is reminded of his/her parents when he/she becomes one...

I do and yet I can't seem erase what I've been told that I don't deserve anyone but him

trust me... you'll forgive that guy when you fall in love again...
you have to let yourself fall in love again...
if not, you'll be stuck in a moment forever sad about your past...
and never find love in the present...
prove yourself wrong by falling in love again...

I sometimes feel like I could love again and there is someone better that deserves my heart, then I get scared
and part of it is thinking that maybe I'm not ready yet
I would like to love again and give my heart unconditionally to someone

you'll never know how high you can jump unless you jump

m a k t u b ( 5 / 1 2 / 2 0 0 4 )

2004-05-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

[ remember how to forget ]

we write things down in order to free our mind
of those thoughts... so when you are sad,
write down your sadness so your mind may
find a way to move on... and when you are
happy, there is no need to forget

that's why happy thoughts are seldom written
or sung out loud...

-dead poet

[ for example ]

Truth be told, time seems to stop and the
meaning of where I am has ceased to exist.
The melody of living life has drifted away
and what is left are echoes of a lost hope
that has dissapointed me.

-mojoe

[ and another ]

I speak of a place where I could say in words
what my heart feels. I dream of a song that
can express the thoughts trapped within me.
But I realize that these things were not meant
to be. Your heart belongs to someone else.
Your daily concerns face not my direction.
The heart feels empty when it has
no love to give.

-mojoe

[ The Twist ]

At the very moment of one's own death, a person
will realize that heaven and hell actually resided
in each passing breath. After this epiphany,
all the person can do is sleep with the
silence of indifference.

-dead poet

[ root ]

love is the root of every thing

thing is desire, is faith, is attachment,
is forgiveness, is jealousy, is hate,
is anger, selfishness, selflessness

indifference is the lack of love

-dead poet

[ The intellectual is always showing off ]

The intellectual is always showing off,
the lover is always getting lost.
The intellectual runs away.
afraid of drowning; the whole business
of love is to drown in the sea.

Intellectuals plan their repose;
lovers are ashamed to rest.
The lover is always alone.
even surrounded by people;
like water and oil,
he remains apart.

The man who goes to the trouble
of giving advice to a lover
get nothing. He's mocked by passion.

Love is like musk. It attracts attention.
Love is a tree, and the lovers are its shade.

-rumi

[ J & M ]

J:

Oh what has come to pass?
Oh what answers have yet to be questioned?
I have been right on a few things
But I have mistakenly feared a few new friends

M:

Oh what have I not written?
Oh what have I not yearned to understand?
My world was only part of my present tense
My word was only heard by ears within my fence

J & M:

Now we both understand our wrongs
Now we both understand where our words belong
We were only trying our best to guide our friends
We didn't have empathy for the rivals that we needed to defend

-mojoe

ps. J is Jesus, M is Muhammad

[ forgiveness ]

i'm the most beautiful person i've ever met...
i'm the ugliest person i have ever forgiven...

-mojoe

[ the prometheus question ]

the question is not whether you can die for the
things you love, the real question is whether
you are willing to live in hell for all the
things that love, hate and don't care about you

-dead poet

[ effort to be only human ]

in our efforts to become like gods, some of us
never realize how to be only human...

-dead poet

[ dream within the nightmare ]

people have concluded that the universe is a
nightmare, i woke up and i found myself
realizing the dream within it...

-mojoe

[ all i'm trying to be, is to be truthful to who i am...]

how can i stop to dream
if that's the way i know how to breathe?
how can i stop to dream
if that is stronger than my faith?
how can i stop to dream
if that is part of how i love?

-mojoe

[ we are ]

We are the first generation that can end
not just AIDS, but extreme poverty. For
the first time in history, we have the brains,
we have the cash, we have the drugs.

But, do we have the will?

-bono

[ an observation ]

In the micro-scale, freewill exists;
In the macro-scale, predetermination prevails...

-mojoe

[ I was just wondering... ]

whether the main BAD GUY in the Torah,
the Bible, the Koran, (insert your belief
system book here) is the same dude.

If so, why are we focusing on the semantics
of the name of GOD when we all have the
same freakin' ENEMY!?!

-mojoe

Mathnawi VI: 255-260

Wealth has no permanence: it comes in the morning,
and at night it is scattered to the winds.
Physical beauty too has no importance,
for a rosy face is made pale by the scratch of a single thorn.
Noble birth also is of small account,
for many become fools of money and horses.
Many a nobleman's son has disgraced his father by his wicked deeds.
Don't court a person full of talent either,
even if he seems exquisite in that respect:
take warning from the example of Iblis (Devil).
Iblis had knowledge, but since his love was not pure,
he saw in Adam nothing but a figure of clay.

-rumi

[ build a boat ]

Tear down the house and build a boat!
Abandon wealth and seek living beings!
Spurn possessions and keep alive living beings!
Make all living beings go up into the boat.
The boat which you are to build,
its dimensions must measure equal to each other:
its length must correspond to its width.

-from the Epic of Gilgamesh

[ from the Book of Renai ]

Renai:
what if there's no heaven?
then there must be no hell...
what then will be the purpose of living?
if not to live each day breathing...

Zania:
how could you think like that!
i want to live knowing death will give me bliss
how can i believe that this is it?
i believe there's something better that awaits...

Renai:
but then you're delaying your true potential
for you believe you can procrastinate
you always think that the grass is greener
that you hope that after death, things will be better...

Zania:
please don't take away my reason for living
each day i look around and see suffering
i feel lost and know i can only do so little
believing that heaven awaits, i can sleep better...

Renai:
but don't you see, you're accepting defeat
your beliefs have already predetermined your fate
you live life as if you can do nothing
to ease the suffering of all the living...

Zania:
but what you say makes me sad
i have always believed in my faith
when i wake up, i go on dreaming
that heaven awaits with angels smiling

Renai:
what i say, has freed me
from what i been told as my fate
i live life knowing that i have choices to make
one of those is to make this place heaven,
for our children's sake...

Mama, why do you and Papa always argue?

Oh, my dearest, do you ever count how many
times your Papa and I hug, smile, and laugh
with each other?

No... I guess it's all the time... but...

But love is like that my son. Your father
and I argue when we have to... knowing that
in the end, we are both trying to do the
best for our family.

-dead poet

maktub,
-joseph

u

2004-05-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

uNity
uNiverse
uNited
uNlimited
u

a t t h e t o p

2004-05-11T18:50:00.000-07:00

it will be lonely at the top of the mountain
so please bring your friends with you

t i m e

2004-05-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

all we need is time
all we have is time
all we waste is time
all we are is time

2004-05-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

Novasouls is a collaboration between Mark (rmygona.com) and I. We dreamed this up when were at Speakeasy Cafe (Seattle) a few weeks before it burned down.

2004-05-11T10:17:00.001-07:00

page 2 and 3

2004-05-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

page 4

2004-05-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

page 5

2004-05-11T10:14:00.000-07:00

page 6

a s i m p l e a d v i c e

2004-05-10T23:12:00.000-07:00

And my advice to you is, if you need one, take an advice you already have given to someone else...

f a q

2004-05-10T23:07:00.000-07:00

Frequently Asked Questions

The Falling Tree Question

A master asks one of his students,
"If a tree falls and no one is around to hear it fall, did it exist?"

The student responds,
"Master, what does it mean to exist?"

The master contemplates,
"That's a very good question"

Where are you from?

I was asked, "Where are you from?"
and I responded, "I'm from planet earth..."

What is the Matrix?

the question should not have been "What is the Matrix?"
it should have been, "What is the path to Peace?"

o f f t o p i c

2004-05-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

Those who are ignorant of their responsibilities are responsible for the effects of their actions, they just don't know about it yet

One of the hardest lessons in life is learning how to learn but be aware that changing how we learn is even harder

Every moment you dwell in not accepting the past is a moment you spend not accepting the present

In a profit driven existence, there's a price for everything... this includes everything

I will tell you what happens after we die if you can tell me what happened before we were born

The choice presented to Adam was life with God and life knowing Love... he chose life knowing Love

In a predetermined existence, one takes no responsibility for his or her actions while in an existence with freewill, one needs to

If God does not deserve the blame for all the sadness in our existence, why then does He deserve the glory for all the goodness in our existence?

Those who are truly good and horribly evil are immortalized in our memories, the rest are just around to remember them in order to tell their tales

Isn't the mere fact that we can breathe, reason, and feel makes us all close to being perfect? And beauty, talent, intelligence just differentiation details?

How do you measure an inch? the length of time? the significance of an event? the feelings you have? your state of happiness? the meaning of your life?

o n m o n e y

2004-05-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

Some say that money is the root of all evil...
But if this is the case, then it must have been
very peaceful on earth before someone invented
the concept of money

Some say that money is the root of all evil...
But what is the soil that it feeds on? Greed?
Selfishness? Desire? And yet, these don't have
any meaning in the absence of Love.

e t h n o c e n t r i s m

2004-05-10T22:58:00.000-07:00

Where does one draw the line....? Is Ethnocentricism a negative quality....? It's interesting, this subject came up so much in the mid-90's, and applied to almost every ethnicity on the planet that I began to take it as an unsymbolic word and yet another 'human condition'.

Based on my current analysis of history, I will argue that Ethnocentrism is a negative quality since ethnocentrism is basically the amplification of the Chosen One or the Chosen People dogma. It's sad that the classic hero story of any mythology promotes the Chosen One dogma to its fullest. It's even sadder that almost all institutions of faith preach the Chosen People dogma under the veil of heavenly rewards.

I would rather promote the Chosen Planet dogma. What say you Venus, Mars, Jupiter? Where are your people that cultivate your soil and swim in your deep oceans? Where are your pyramids? your great forests? your brilliant cities in the night? your artists? your poets? your storytellers? your dreamers? your philosophers? your mothers? your fathers? your scientists? your priests? your beautiful women? your prideful men? your innocent children? your loyal pets? your timeless songs? What is your legacy? Other than orbiting a sun amongst the billions under a stary night?

My dearest planets, I am proud to be a citizen of the chosen planet, Earth!

But back to what is visible in our day to day lives; in a world based on consumerism, brand loyalty is a way to promote ethnocentrism based on what's cool and hip. Human beings feel the need to be accepted, what easier way to do this than by being what's promoted as cool. In the end, the profit minded wants your money. Now if I can only convince people that being a humanitarian is profitable in terms of finding joy in one's existence, then that would be a worthy goal.

But what can a citizen of the chosen planet Earth do? First, gather some data...

http://www.aneki.com/lists.html

ps. And by the way, dogma spelled backwards is...?

i s l o v e

2004-05-10T22:51:00.000-07:00

Love is Love
God is Love
Allah is Love
Buddha is Love
Krishna is Love
Rumi is Love
Gibran is Love
Muhammad is Love
Jesus is Love
Mom is Love
Dad is Love
Bro is Love
Sis is Love
Darling is Love
Pain is Love
Sorrow is Love
Hate is Love
Joy is Love
Adam is Love
Eve is Love
Indifference is not Love

o n h a t r e d

2004-05-10T22:41:00.000-07:00

I was just wondering whether the main BAD GUY in the Torah, the Bible, the Koran, (insert your belief system book here) is the same dude.

If so, why are we focusing on the semantics of the name of GOD when we all have the same freakin' ENEMY!?!

LAST KISS

Donde, o donde, puede estar mi amor?
Su alma y su corazon etan con Dios
Se fue al Cielo, y tengo que ser bueno
Para ver a mi amor al partir de este mundo

She got her orders and she left for the war
She didn't know it would get this far
But she's good and she went ahead
Now I sleep with my lonely bed
I keep on thinking of her everynight
And hope she's fighting for what is right
But I couldn't sleep so I watched the news
I saw her picture and my heart was lost

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The lord took her away from me
She’s gone to heaven, so I’ve got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

I cried out but my pain couldn't make a sound
My knees lost hope and found the ground
I couldn't believe what's right in front of my eyes
I lost my heart this very night
I remembered the day she left and said
Hold me darling, just a little while
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I will miss
Well now she’s gone, I know this is not right
I lost my love, my life, tonight

[translate=arabic]

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The lord took her away from me
She’s gone to heaven, so I’ve got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

[/translation]

*adaptation of pearl jam's song "Last Kiss"

Let them eat leftovers

Let them eat leftovers
poison their wine
paint black their waters
a mudpit for their shrine

Let them die in her womb
for Oil and Gold
dig out their tombs
their lives you have sold

Let the mothers weep
as we ponder on what we did
put them all to sleep
as they cry out and fade

Is it too late?
Is it our hate?
Is it our fate?
Our human state?

Luxuries and Needs

Yearly spending on:
- Make-up: $18bn
- Perfumes: $15bn
- Ocean cruises: $14bn
- Ice-cream in Europe: $11bn
- US cost of Iraq War: $$110bn (as of 4/15)

Extra annual funds needed to achieve global goals:
- Eliminate hunger: $19bn
- Reproductive health care for all women: $12bn
- Clean water for all: $10bn
- Universal literacy: $5bn

Mutual Assured Destruction (MAD)

MAD had been the winning strategy used in the Cold War. It marked the beginning of living in fear, where at any moment, the world could come to an end. With the end of the Cold War and the start of the new War Against Terrorism, the world has to come into terms with the failure of using MAD as a strategy against organized terror.

WMD's are now not in the hands of world leaders but amongst guerilla based terror cells. How can an army combat an enemy that can hide within its own borders? The means to defeat each other involves the killing of innocent individuals -- are these people acceptable losses? We should not use the Pontius Pilate Defense and wash our hands from our responsibilites in order to sleep better at night!

The key is to understand the fundamental issue at hand.

POVERTY

When 458 people own half of the world's wealth, there is something wrong with the picture. Do you want to be the 459th? or do you want the rest of the world wake up from their inherited suffering?

Please study the numbers (all of them! not just the ones that pleases your inner beliefs) and you will start to understand to roots of all the violence.

http://www.aneki.com/lists.html

p r o p a g a n d a

2004-05-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

everything is propaganda, including this...

l y r i c s

2004-05-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

Assumptions

Your silent assumptions lead you astray
Guiding your thoughts to places with no meaning
Why do you choose to have pain in the night?
When all things that love you, wait with the light?

But time can make you see the truth
But only after you have suffered enough
Blindly hiding in desperate silence
You say it's love, I say it's selfishness

It's selfish when you abandon the ones that love you
It's selfish when you think you have it worst than anyone
It's selfish when you abandon the ones that love you
It's selfish when you think of you and forget about everyone

Hold on, for you need to learn how to breathe
This dream of ours grounded on reality
Flow with it now, it's where and when matters
Selfless living within the hearts of others

It's selfish when you abandon the ones that love you
It's selfish when you think you have it worst than anyone
It's selfish when you abandon the ones that love you
It's selfish when you think of you and forget about everyone

unconditional LOVE

you gave me the reason to exist
and i'll give you at the very least,
another chance for another day
so Please listen to what i have to say...

these past few months had been the best,
so give your teaRs some needed rest;
as i promised, i will give up my life for you,
too bad i only have one, since that's too few

There is nO need to say you're sorry,
My heart has forgiven you already;

you gave me the reason to exist
and i'll give you at the very least
another chance for another day
so please care for what I have to say

and i will wait for you in heaven
where all your regrets will be forgiven
and i will wait with an open heart
for you would do the same for my heart

Although in death, I’ll say goodbye
Once in the sky, we’ll say hello

soon it will be my last breath
but i won't mourn my very own death...
for my heart has decided
"that LOVE multiplies when divided"*

you gave me the reason to exist
and i'll give you at the very least
another chance for another day
so please remember what i have to say

i will remember you...
i will care for you...
i will listen to you...
i will die for you...

* from "by the river piedra" by paulo coelho

b R A V E

i'm crazy enough to be me
i'm cool enough to be me
i'm lazy enough to be me
i am brave enough to be me

are you crazy enough to be you?
are you cool enough to be you?
are you happy enough to be you?
are you brave enough to be you?

there is no them, only, only us
in ourselves we can trust
there is no them, only, only us
we will echo beyond the dust…

my Redemption will be found!
Revolution will have a sound!
your Redemption will be found!
Salvation on this very ground...

i'm crazy enough to be me
got no need to be like you
but can you prove to me
that you are brave enough to be you...

there is no them, only, only us
in ourselves we can trust
there is no them, only, only us
we will echo beyond the dust…

our Redemption will be found
Revolution will have a sound
our Redemption will be found
Salvation on this very ground...

are WE brave enough to be we?
are WE brave enough to be-lieve?
are WE brave enough to be saved?
are WE brave enough in be I-N-G?

April Fools

why can't you understand, how much you mean to me
why can't you take a stand and let me walk away
why can't i be somebody to see the truth
why can't i say goodbye and not waste my youth

on you...

and should i dwell on my lonely tears
should i be a slave to all my fears
should i walk away and carry on
separate and sing this song

for you...

is this love that i'm feeling?
is this right what i'm doing?
is this real what i'm dreaming?
or just a weak mind thinking?

of you...

and now you got to tell me the truth in your heart
and now you got to decide where to start
and now you got to find a way to say
and now you got to choose what’s next for me

and you...

WYSIWYG VERSION 2.0

what you'll see, is what you'll get
what you'll see, is what you'll get
what you'll see, is what you'll get
what you'll see, is what you'll get

i got NO TIME to change for you!
i got NO NEED to change for you!
i got NO WANT to change for you!
i got NO I if i change for you!

what you'll say, is what you'll regret
what you'll say, is what you'll regret
what you'll say, is what you'll regret
what you'll say, is what you'll regret

you got NO TIME to change for me!
you got NO NEED to change for me!
you got NO WANT to change for me!
you got NO YOU if you change for me!

Life is...

Life is a comedy
for those who let go of their mind
Life is a tragedy
for those who are left behind

Like is painfull
for those who have the time
Life is wonderful
for those who use their time

Life is simple
for those who don't understand
Life is grateful
for those who try to understand

Life is a poison
for those not wanting the cure
Life is a desire
for those who have faith in being sure

Children's Sake

what if there's no heaven?
then there must be no hell...
what then will be the purpose of living?
if not to live each day breathing...

how could you think like that!
i want to live knowing death will give me bliss
how can i believe that this is it?
i believe there's something better that awaits...

but then you're delaying your true potential
for you believe you can procrastinate
you always think that the grass is greener
that you hope that after death, things will be better...

please don't take away my reason for living
each day i look around and see suffering
i feel lost and know i can only do so little
believing that heaven awaits, i can sleep better...

but don't you see, you're accepting defeat
your beliefs have already predetermined your fate
you live life as if you can do nothing
to ease the suffering of some of the living...

but what you say makes me sad
i have always believed in my faith
when i wake up, i go on dreaming
that heaven awaits with angels smiling...

what i say, has freed me
from what i've been told as my fate
i live life knowing that i have choices to make
one of those is to make this place heaven,

for our children's sake...

Daymoon

What is the need of a daymoon?
We are already blessed with the radiance
Of a daystar with confidence so bright

What is the need of a daymoon?
When it also can not penetrate the stormy
Rain clouds that wins over the light of day

What is the need of a daymoon?
The sailors only need guidance at night
And even then, they only trust the stars

What is the need of the daymoon?
It only reflects the brilliance
Of the sun and does not echo its warmth

What is the need of the daymoon?
For unlike stars, it is not perfect
It hides a darkside for none to see

Just like you, just like me.

J & M

J

Oh what has come to pass?
Oh what answers have yet to be questioned?
I have been right on a few things
But I have mistakenly feared a few new friends

M

Oh what have I not written?
Oh what have I not yearned to understand?
My world was only part of my present tense
My word was only heard by ears within my fence

J & M

Now we both understand our wrongs
Now we both understand where our words belong
We were only trying our best to guide our friends
We didn't have empathy for the rivals that we needed to defend

g n o p h o b i a

2004-05-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

fear of knowledge or
knowledge of fear?

c o l o r b l i n d

2004-05-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

love is colorblind

r o c k p a p e r s c i s s o r s

2004-05-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

nouns:
Creator, Created, Destroyer

falls for:
Creator falls for Created
Created falls for Destroyer
Destroyer falls for Creator

destroys:
Creator destroys Destroyer
Destroyer destroys Created
Created destroys Creator

i

2004-05-10T09:36:00.000-07:00

iDol
iMage
iDentity
iDiot
iDea
i

o t h e r e t h o u g h t s

2004-05-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence unless you start watering the grass around you

the future is hard to predict unless you make it yourself

time is life (from momo)

i'm changing my line from "time is my enemy, truth is my friend" to "scope is my enemy, truth is my friend"

An important lesson in life is to figure out what hypcrisy is

It would be interesting if everyone learned sign language...

The goal in life is to be your own hero

I want what I have

Live life or die trying

Life is a vacation

Imagination travels faster than the speed of light

Truth is recursive

Nothing is what it seems

All we love is all we are

The opposite of love is indifference

on religion | wouldn’t it be interesting if preachers taught respect for beliefs other than their own?

on borders | who needs borders if we all reach out to make friends?

sometimes the answer is not as profound as the means of finding it

i believe in love.

trust is something i give freely instead of being earned

to exist is to cause a reaction,
to learn is to react to an action

when a tree falls and no one hears it, does it exist?
what does it mean for a tree to exist?
hmm, good question.

i hope that when we have an argument
i can see your point of view

in chaos we learn
in tranquil order
we meditate and prepare
for the next lesson

paint the world with your dreams
ignite the world with your passion

we easily hold on to suffering instead of letting go of it, in order to find happiness

on politics | wouldn’t it be nice if all world leaders knew each other’s cellphone number?

there are times when we question what if,
that’s all cool and good when that doesn’t affect what’s now

i hope my assumptions of the world i live in,
doesn’t stop me from trying to understand it
through your experiences

the absence of space and time can not be described
by laws based on space and time

progressive revelation

infinity is relative

p a s t l e s s o n s

2004-05-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

the things we learn from the past may not be the lessons the past wants us to learn...

p e o p l e s a y

2004-05-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

people say you must tell the truth
i want to add...
you need to accept the truth as well

s i m p l e t h o u g h t s

2004-05-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

dream within the nightmare

people have concluded that the universe is a nightmare, i woke up and i found myself realizing the dream within it...

When you sleep

Life is like having dreams and nightmares when you sleep
Death is like having no dreams and no nightmares when you sleep

Actions and Effects

To be right is only human
To be wrong is only human
To do evil under the disguise of achieving good
is the work of the heartless
To do good but achieve evil is the work of prophets,
gods and the shortsighted

remember how to forget

we write things down in order to free our mind of those thoughts...

so when you are sad, write down your sadness so your mind may find a way to move on... and when you are happy, there is no need to forget, that's why happy thoughts are seldom written or sung out loud...

The Twist

At the very moment of one's own death, a person will realize that heaven and hell actually resided in each passing breath. After this epiphany, all the person can do is sleep with the silence of indifference.

root

love is the root of every thing

thing is desire, is faith, is attachment, is forgiveness, is jealousy, is hate, is anger, selfishness, selflessness

indifference is the lack of love

forgiveness

i'm the most beautiful person i've ever met...
i'm the ugliest person i have ever forgiven...

the prometheus question

the question is not whether you can die for the things you love, the real question is whether you are willing to live in hell for all the things that love and hate you...

effort to be only human

in our efforts to become like gods, some of us never realize how to be only human...

all i'm trying to be, is to be truthful to who i am...

how can i stop to dream if that's the way i know how to breathe? how can i stop to dream if that is stronger than my faith? how can i stop to dream if that is part of how i love?

scale

in the micro-scale, freewill exists;
in the macro-scale, predetermination prevails...

Winning in Losing

I surrender to Love
I'm not afraid anymore
Past mistakes, I have learned from
Uncertainties, I'll have no more

Oh how wonderful it is
To finally forgive my past self
Oh how wonderful it will be
To finally face each moment of reality

I say goodbye to sorrowful tears
It was the bleeding of a heart in pain
I say hello to fearless tears
It is a heart laughing at all its fears

I surrender... I surrender...
For Love has finally won me over....

5/15/2003
u village starbucks, seattle

be original, be yourself! i have heard more than
a couple hundred times that there are no more original
ideas to be dreamed under this sky of ours... but
do you honestly believe that you have lived before? and
in the same circumstance? if you believe to be unique,
then everyday, an original idea is born... take heed
of this and be glad, for a newborn child is the
hope by which we can grasp and understand...

in an effort to be human, we forget to realize that
we are surrounded by other humans as well... let it
be said, that the greatest crime in life is the lack of
awareness of one's heart, for we are lead to believe
that it is weak, that it is prone to error when
a human being puts one's heart above one's better
judgement... but i want to rebel against this inhumane
idea! let it be known, that i will follow my heart to the
glories of heaven and the misery of hell... if only
to taste what is left of my tears of both sorrow
and joy that has visited my human face

what is life but the reason by which we have taken
the first leap of faith, the first choice and some
may call it, the original sin... but why is it a sin
to take a breath? why is it called a sin to yearn
to exist? if not for a brief moment in one's time
on earth but also through the memories of one's glory
days and past mistakes! but who will remember the
days when one only takes a shallow wade through the
ocean of life? who will remember the nights when
one has forgotten to appreciate the ground by which
dreams or even nightmares play? aye, let me have
a reason to fear death so that i may appreciate
eternity... let me have a reason to celebrate my
past, so i may bring my lessons with me to the
realm of all things known... let me have hope so i
may wake up from boredom and see the truth right
in front of me... my fellow human being, learn to swim!

my shadow will follow where i will walk... i alone
know my own path for the reasons i have reached
where i am is the result of who i am... i cannot lay
blame on anyone... i try not to use my toungue to
speak ill will of my fellow students of life... how can
i judge when i am also guilty of not knowing everything?
hold on for a moment and learn how to take a breath...
now that you have, that is all yours to take freely,
now, how then can you take away someone else's right
of the very same breath?

the goal in life is to become one's own hero... why
does one search for things that can never be reached?
how come the nearest heart and mind be the same ones so
far away? don't be tempted of admiration of others
unless they inspire you to appreciate what you
have... i have met a few, i have conversed with fewer,
and each one is as unique and special as a moment
ticking away... why waste time being lost when you
know where you stand at all times? be glad that you
have a shadow! be glad that there exists a mirror!
are you now ready to take a step?

how can one ask for eternity, if one doesn't appreciate
the very short time that they have in this human body?
for i believe that we are here to learn to appreciate
what we have long ago lost to boredom, indifference or
some other personal version of hell... yes, it is hell
when one does not know how to appreciate each moment
passing by... if we must compare, compare the lessons
that you have learned in the past and the lessons that
you are learning right now... don't be afraid...
we are only human...

have you learned your lesson, good... then learn some
more... if not, continue asking questions, the first
lesson is to learn how to ask politely, the second
lesson is to learn what to ask... you will know the
third lesson when the time comes... alas, learn not
to waste time, that is a lesson that you should have
learned already...

5/16/2003
my home, seattle

now i will speak of love... when i fall in love, it will
hurt, for i know that this woman will make me blind...
for each moment of each day, i see beauty that surrounds
tempting me, but when i fall in love, beauty will lose
all meaning, my dreams will lose all their luster,
heaven and the gods will lose their mastery over me...
so i will ask for forgiveness beforehand, and
you will know when it will happen for you will not
hear of my footsteps anymore... i will be floating on
clouds so high that i will have no need of walking...

5/17/2003
my home, seattle

you ask me to find balance, yet you tell me to try my best?

5/18/2003
my home, seattle

if you want to understand God, Allah, Buddha, etc.. converse with
a parent, grandparent, or a couple that have just fallen in Love...
if you want to understand Jesus, Muhammed, Abraham, etc... converse with
your favorite teacher or your best friend
if you want to understand indifference, converse with
the sun, the moon, the stars, a diamond, an earthquake or a volcano
if you want to understand yourself, converse with
a child and listen to the conversation between your heart and mind
now you know why it is very important to learn how to converse...

5/18/2003
alki beach, seattle

and stop being confused, heaven and hell are just adjectives

5/18/2003
while driving, seattle

now, i sometimes wonder if Jesus, Muhammed or Buddha ever farted...

5/19/2003
my home, seattle

it might be of interest for all text or songs that mentions
God, Allah, Buddha, Yahweh, Jehovah, Gia etc...
to just bluntly use the word LOVE instead...
why? why not?

i have heard people say that my words are too deep,
but i don't understand... the words that i have written
barely scratches the ocean of thoughts that i'm drowned in,
in every moment of each day and i only write them like a whale
taking a breather to say hi to the friendly sky...

5/20/2003
my home, seattle

it is of my humble opinion that a major cause of suffering
is indifference... nature is very indifferent... but i don't
understand why a human heart could ever have the capacity
for indifference... to feel is the very reason that separates
us from the coldness and boredom of an indifferent universe...

i often been asked which came first, the chicken or the egg
i don't know, i don't know how to converse with a chicken or an egg...
ask yourself though, which came first, the mother or the child?
before the child existed, the mother is but a woman,
before the mother could exist, she needed her child
also, ask yourself, which came first, the teacher or the student?

i should learn sign language...

5/21/2003
my home, seattle

conversing with a rock is boring...
i guess indifference is boring as well..

some friends have said that my thoughts are dangerous,
but aren't we all going to die?
so i say, live life or die trying...

5/23/2003

"love thy neighbor as you love yourself", what a
wonderful rule... what an amazing idea... but i ask...
who is my neighbor and who am i? before i can love
both, don't i need to know them first?

i've been thinking a lot about the afterlife
that one day i just got tired of it,
then i started thinking about life
and enjoyed that train of thought for a while
yet my mind wanted to rest for a moment, so not
wanting to dwell with the profound thoughts of
the afterlife again, my mind wandered into a
thought i never fully explored before and
it's the thought of the existence of the beforelife
my mind has been always too preoccupied with what's after
that it never had the chance to taste the ideas of
what was before and as my dreams about the beforelife
became clearer, somethings started to make sense...

what if we had all the rewards promised in the afterlife
before we have chosen to be born in this body?
it may be possible that we all got bored with it and
here in our life, we will learn how to appreciate
what we already had? this idea made me remember
an older thought that visited my mind a while back...

"the grass is only greener on the other side of the fence
unless one waters the grass around them..."

but what of suffering in this world? a question was
asked... suffering is a direct result of only two
things, indifference from nature and indifference
from the human heart... we have little control of
nature but we are all humans born with feelings,
so we might as well figure how to conquer indifference
in our hearts in the limited time that we have...
we wont know until we try...

i wonder if "respect every one, as you respect yourself"
would be a lot easier to understand

5/29/2003

It occured to me today that I spent too much time
thinking about death and sadness... that I never
thought of the fact that I could have never existed!
What a life that would have been...

to not know...
to not reason...
to not feel hurt...
to not feel love..
to not have friends...
to not learn...
to not dance...
to not question...

So if one just contemplated this for one second of
each day, the act of breathing just suddenly feels
like being in heaven...

n o w h e r e

2004-05-10T08:50:00.000-07:00

no where
now here